I found this online today. Wow.
"I like to fill my tub up with water, then turn the shower on and act like I'm in a submarine that's been hit.
god, i'm a loser"
and one more:
When I was five, my older brother accidently broke our teacup poodle's neck by spanking it off of the couch.
The next day, the entire family rushed to the pound and replaced it with a used wiener dog.
I was so happy. I played with our new dog for hours, until it crawled underneath the coffee table totally exhausted.
Like a midget army soldier, I crawed in after him and began to smile at him directly in the face.
Apparently, the little wiener didn't like that too much and quickly began to use my nose as a chew toy. I screamed so loud, our dog had a heart attack and died later that evening. I don't even think we had time to name him.
2 dogs in 2 days. I just love dogs.